No comments for my last post, which is disappointing. But some new followers! So, hello! And thank you for following! privately I have had numerous positive responses to this blog, with a few folks declaring they have read every update and one person even saying that this is helping them through the knowledge that there is someone in a similar position. This is a great reaction for me and subsequently, fulfils my purpose for this blog- to help others, and myself. I do not feel so alone in the sense that, knowing a person out there has been helped empowers me to become less apologetic about my PTSD, and more confident in knowing that I am not the only musician at grassroots level feeling what I feel.
Furthermore, the Seattle- based band Osatia have been brilliant in answering my questions for my dissertation this past week, as well as the lead singer from Swedish band We are the Catalyst (my next blog post will focus on their thoughts so stick around!). Their responses, along with their friendliness and honesty around Mental health, have further added to my momentum. However, the effect of my PTSD on my vocals is still something I need to address. My therapist often tells me that I have core beliefs, those, ‘I will get it wrong’ and ‘I’m not good enough’ thoughts. These are very hard to break free from when you have lived with them for 15 years. When these thoughts kick in, my vocals get affected. And then I think ‘I’m not good enough’. (As you can see, it becomes a viscous circle!)
Therefore, for about a week now, I’ve been working on ‘Falsetto Slides’ (Head voice in my case). These are Vocal exercises from the brilliant Jamie Vendera. I am using these exercises as a way of conquering vocal cracks that can occur when transitioning between registers. These vocal cracks can happen when I’m feeling extra anxious during a performance. My singing teacher recommended these exercises to me. Yet she, (as far as I am aware), is still unaware that these cracks occur due to anxiety I suffer. This is the next step for me……telling her that for the years she has known me, and watch me perform, I have been dealing with PTSD. I’m hoping the strength from my research and communication with fellow Musicians, can help me do this! I will update on my next blog…..
Please contact me with any thoughts or comments.
P.S – here is an interview with We are the Catalyst, which discusses the link between their music, and mental health. Give it a read – http://www.moshville.co.uk/feature/botd/2017/06/band-of-the-day-we-are-the-catalyst/